Revenge of the Disposal

Three days ago, I cheerily boasted of a successful home improvement project. Joseph and I had successfully installed a garbage disposal...

Tonight, the disposal had its revenge. Karma blitzkrieged me.

Joseph cooked. He always cooks, much to his bipolar delight and chagrin. And I couldn't even call it cooking this evening. He put a few pieces of frozen chicken and tater tots into the oven. He subsequently delivered said victuals to our dinner trays in the living room and commenced watching America's Next Top Model. No, I'm not a fan. Yes, Joseph is. The girls were strutting in Amsterdam this week; that's all I know.

After we each finished our respective meals, I seized the plates and placed them on the kitchen counter. It was at that moment that I had remembered it; the dishes in the dishwasher were clean. I opened the dishwasher and began extracting plates and bowls and utensils and tupperware and such. All soaked. Well, not soaked, soaked. But certainly wetter than usual. I looked down at the door and noticed the Jet Dry indicator was empty. That must be the reason, I thought to myself.

I thus continued with the extraction and then began the rinsing and insertion of the dirty dishes. Only a few. When I had finished, I inadvertently glanced at the bottom of the dishwasher and saw that there lingered stagnant, soapy water. My nose immediately noticed the oddly pungent odor emanating: cleanly refuse is the best way to describe it.

Do you know what the problem was? Well, I certainly didn't.

I rather dramatically announced to Joseph that something was wrong with the dishwasher. Joseph initially stated that it was the garbage disposal. I didn't disagree, but I couldn't see the connection. Still, it made sense.

We started talking about the warranty and a plumber and all that jazz. Still, I needed to consult with my trusty, dusty office tool. The Internet.

The google entry was simple. 'Dishwasher won't drain'. I believe in the KISS principle. First item returned: "Got a Dishwasher that Won't Drain? Here's How to Troubleshoot the Problem". Click. And there, on the second paragraph from the bottom on the first page, was my explanation.

I sighed heavily and moved to my file cabinet. I yanked the drawer open and rummaged through the hanging folders. I came to the set of user manuals. For the fan that we threw out a year ago. For the vacuum that died two years ago. For the TV that's still working in the living room. For the iron. For the Xbox. For the Insinkerator Badger 5 Garbage Disposal.

I stalked to the kitchen and unfolded the map-like instructions on the kitchen counter. Joseph pointed to it. The box with the big octagon-stop sign shaped illustration where it says: 'Stop and Read'. I hadn't. Until then. And it said, if you need to attach a dishwasher turn the disposer on its side and insert screwdriver into dishwasher inlet. What it doesn't say - but what it shows - is that you have to hammer the screwdriver into that inlet until the tiny plastic piece called the knockout plug gets - well - knocked out.

We did that. And I ran the dishwasher. And it drained. And I cursed all home improvement projects with their tiny blasted pieces of dark green plastic blocking water across the globe...

A New Garbage Disposal

It's been two to three months. That's all. I noticed that the bottom of the cabinet under the sink was damp. It had even warped the wood a bit. I immediately retrieved a crappy towel from the linen closet and put it under the leak. My idea of home improvement...

It's not altogether terrible, though also not something about which I am proud. It started as a very slow leak. Drip..... Drip. I changed out the towel every couple weeks when it became too damp and 'fragrant' with the microscopic bits of ground food items.

As with anything that has a leak, the garbage disposal only had a finite amount of time. The Drip..... Drip became a Drip.. Drip and then a concerted Drip, Drip. I had to change out the towel a couple times a week to stop from warping the wood anymore. And then the time came. The Drip, Drip became a trickle each time I used the disposal. No amount of towelling would suffice.

Now, before I continue, let me wax unpoetically about my utter lack of ability with home improvement projects. Take, for instance, the kitchen. When we first bought the house, we knew that the kitchen needed an overhaul. The dark wood. The orange formica countertops. And all the innards of the cabinets felt sticky. It was a kitchen right out of 1981 especially since it looked as though the kitchen had not been changed since the house was built, i.e. 1981. So, Joseph and I got to work. With the help of our friend John, we tore down some drywall and tore out some cabinets. We followed up with the installation of some of the new cabinets, but we came to a screeching halt when we were faced with plumbing, electricity, and the remaining cabinets. The tension built within the household. Washing dishes in the bathtub and storing dinnerware in boxes got old rather quickly. Not to mention the constant pall of gray and brown dust that lingered in the house. We wallowed in our half finished kitchen for about 6 months until we called someone for help. Yes, that was worse.

Then there was the master bathroom. Just after we had the house re-sided and re-windowed, there came a leak in the master bathroom. It was the hose that connected to the toilet. But this hose was no ordinary hose that you could just replace. It was connected directly to the shutoff valve; in other words, we couldn't replace the hose unless we also replaced the shutoff valve. My solution? Electrical tape and a towel. Well, that didn't go far. It wasn't long before I just shut off the valve and we used the hall bathroom for all our needs. That 'temporary' fix lasted about nine months. Yes, nine months. Then we had someone come in and redo the entire bathroom. Especially since we had been told at the initial inspection that there was a significant leak coming from that master bathroom in the first place.

We thus return to the trickling garbage disposal. I put it on the list of things to do this weekend. Joseph and I would venture to Home Depot and buy a disposal of the same make and model. An In Sinkerator Badger 5. We purchased the unit and made our way back home.

The going was rough at the beginning. We staged our normal home improvement arguments. But we settled and moved forward. The hard wiring. The correct attachment of the disposal to the sink. When the time came, we turned on the circuit. And then the water valves. We tested the unit and saw no leak. The bottom of the cabinet was somewhat warped, but dry.

Joseph and I looked at each other and claimed a small victory. We had finally had the patience and wherewithal to achieve our first home improvement victory.

These are the times when I could use the old man, I'll tell ya. A jack of all trades, he.