Corporation: The Game

I stepped into the Darth Vader building - what they call the slanted-roofed black glass building at 4th and Blanchard in downtown Seattle - at approximately 7:10 a.m. after waving goodbye to Joseph, who himself was lucky enough to have the day off. I entered a recycled elevator and pushed 9. I exited the recycled elevator on the 9th floor - this is not always guaranteed on any of these four recycled elevators - and beeped my way into the office space with my borrowed badge - I had inexplicably lost my badge two days prior for the first time in my six-year tenure at the company. I made my way to my desk where I was greeted by my favorite Dilbert cartoons and a football-shaped deflated Giants balloon that was given to me by none other than a Jets fan after the Giants' Super Bowl win. I sat in my chair, logged into my computer, and checked what little e-mail I had. I toasted my bagel in the nearby toaster, poured myself some hot water for my English Breakfast tea and settled in for the analysis of a data file.

I performed that analysis and various other project management odds and ends for the next hour or so and then checked the news for anything interesting. Sarah Palin had been chosen for McCain's running mate. Huh? I walked over to talk to my friend. Sounding like a broken record - I don't get it; I don't get it - I shook my head in disbelief. He agreed. I walked back to my desk, but decided I'd first share my disbelief with the developers. I walked into the Dev Pit - what we call the room in which the development team works - and said, I don't get it. Another friend of mine bit. What? The VP choice by McCain. Oh, she said, I don't know. I don't follow that. But the other devs were quick to chime in. Maybe McCain's giving up, one posited. He's trying to get the Hillary vote, suggested another. I dunno, I said, I just don't get it. I checked the clock on one of the dev's machines and realized I had a meeting in three minutes. I left the Dev Pit and headed for St. Helen's. No, not the mountain, the B-Line conference room.

I tried to get the overhead projector to project the computer screen. But it was on some other setting. So I saw a blue screen. I thought about using my meeting attendees to choreograph a light saber fight in front of the blue screen for the next Star Wars film. Then I thought better of it. I got help. Changed the setting. And someone else was logged in. I squinted, saw it was Mark Taylor. Who the hell is Mark Taylor, I asked to no one in particular. I've been at this company for six years, you see, and there are only 100 people. I know everyone. Well, not everyone apparently. A late attendee entered the room. We have an all IT meeting in 15 minutes, he said. Huh? I responded. Yeah, it's true and it's in here. All IT meetings, you see, are not a common occurrence. They may happen once a year if not less frequently. And it was called by Ed, the late attendee continued. Ed? That doesn't make any sense. Ed's the CFO, I said. Erik's the CIO. The late attendee shrugged. I shook my head and said, I don't get it. But I didn't have time not to get it. I had to find this Mark Taylor guy or an admin who could log this Mark Taylor off the machine because I had to try to facilitate a now 10-minute long meeting to find out if the project I'm managing is on schedule.

I walk out of St. Helen's and headed for the Net Ops room. The dba was the lone inhabitant. The machine in St. Helen's is locked by some guy named Mark Taylor, I said. Do you have any idea who that is? Uh yeah, he answered, I think he's the sales guy that sits over there. He pointed towards the window. Thanks. I moved to the cubicle near the window. Hi, I said, my name's David. Mark stood and said, David who? What a dummy, I thought to myself about myself. When introducing, it is polite to say first and last name. Well, when introducing in that setting. It could have been that I half expected him to know who I was anyway given that I'd been there so long - relatively speaking. Where are you on the org chart, he asked as he moved to three 8x11 sheets pinned to his wall. I noticed that his org chart was older than dirt - again, relatively speaking - and told him so without the dirt. I then asked him to log off the machine in St. Helen's. He accompanied me to the room and logged off.

I had the meeting. I think it was all of five minutes, which is all the time I had anyway. Updated meeting minutes and schedule. And went back to my desk for a quick look at my e-mail. Sure enough, I saw an all IT meeting called for 9:45 in St. Helen's. I went back into the room and sat in the corner with my English Breakfast tea. Others began arriving, including Ed. Oddly, Erik was nowhere to be found. Ed sat. We sat. Some stood. The door closed. We wanted to let you know as soon as possible, he began, that Erik will not be continuing with the company. I felt the collective intake of breath. Erik had been with the company for almost seven years. Only two in the IT group had been there longer. With that said, Ed continued, we're looking to move forward with this group of people. Please know that technology is a significant part of this company and that your jobs will not be affected. We waited with bated breath as he spoke each word. Erik and the company mutually agreed to go their separate ways. In the interim, we have an in-house consultant, with whom I've worked before, that will be acting as interim CIO or Director of IT. His name is Mark Taylor. I almost chuckled, but thought it not the right time. As if on queue, Mark, who had not been in the room, made an entrance after Ed spoke the name. And there's Mark, Ed announced. So without further ado, I'll let him speak. Ed left the room.

Mark, who cannot be more than 40, took a seat in the chair where Ed had sat and passed around a 30-60-90 transition plan. He introduced himself. He had started at Microsoft when it was a small company. And he had retired just after 30. Went backpacking through Europe. Yadda yadda... And then had decided to do consulting with companies that had to move into the 21st century as far as technology is concerned. In other words, he does this stuff for fun. Power to the Mark. He reiterated that he wouldn't be the CIO, that he was preparing the company for whoever would take that - or whatever - title happen to be bestowed. Then he started telling us a little bit about what was happening.

We - meaning B-Line, the company for which I work - is owned by Lone Star Funds. You know Lone Star Steakhouse? Yes, they own them. No, I can't get you discounts. But that's a drop in the bucket. Lone Star Funds can be described as a bottom feeder. Do you remember what the Richard Gere character did in Pretty Woman? That's kind of what Lone Star Funds does. They buy companies and either tear them apart - if they're not on track to make a lot of money - or build them up - if they are. It seems B-Line is one of the latter. Having owned B-Line for two years now, Lone Star Funds is now prepared to invest a significant amount of money into the company so that they can sell it for twice to three times the investment after about a three-year period. Well, the old organizational structure wasn't working as well as Lone Star wanted it to work. And so, they were looking for an opportunity to change. This morning happened to be that opportunity.

Why this morning? If I knew that, I'd be making significantly more money than I am now. I appreciated Mark's apparent sincerity and honesty, but to be honest, I still felt like I had been knocked several times upside the head. What does this mean for my projects? For the company? For my job? For others' jobs? Well, one thing was certain, I knew my productivity for the remainder of the day was shot to hell. And when I walked into the Dev Pit, I knew the developers' productivity was equally shot. I lingered about talking to them. And then they asked me what I thought this meant. In all of my thoughts about what this meant for the company, I had completely forgotten that I was now the third most tenured person in the department. I looked around and saw that everyone in the Dev Pit had come to work for the company not only after I had begun working there but after I had begun working in IT which was a full two and a half years after I had started in accounting. I reassured them that the company was good about ensuring that people had jobs in the past. But I added, much to their chagrin, that every one of us is expendable as evidenced by Erik's departure.

I lingered at my desk taking - as I'd once heard it called - an in-cube sabbatical. A company-wide meeting was called for 2 p.m. at the Westin Hotel, a few blocks away. After having a coffee with a friend, we traipsed to the Westin and listened as Ed explained that the organizational structure was changing so that we could increase our productivity by 160%. Not an easy task. He was going to be CEO. The CEO was downgraded - kind of - to President. The other C-level positions - CIO (information), CFO (finance), CLO (legal) - would cease to exist, leaving in their respective wakes Director positions. It would be business as usual, he explained. Except that we are going to move together and blossom into a company that fulfills its, to this date, unactualized potential. In other words, we have to start making money or risk being torn asunder by the very hands that feed us.

I leave you with a quotation I think appropriate:

I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country; corporations have been enthroned, an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people, until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the Republic destroyed.

It seems rather appropriate, yes? Abraham Lincoln spoke this in 1864.