Thursday 13: Absurdities

Good evening all. Before I come to the absurdities section of our programming, I need to give the answers to last week's Thursday 13... The Hawaiian Alphabet. If you have forgotten - or if you didn't look in the first place - here's the link: Thursday 13: Hawaiian Alphabet.

1. W (Woodrow Wilson)
2. N (Nitrogen)
3. I
4. A
5. M
6. U
7. K
8. H (Herbert Hoover)
9. O
10. L
11. E
12. P
13. 'okina

Without further ado, I give you 13 absurd thoughts. If they don't make sense to you, don't worry too much because I most likely have no idea myself.

1. I vote to reinstate the Persians. Who ever heard of an Iranian rug?
   
2. I've never seen a Walloon with a balloon.
   
3. Does a cat that comes back as a cat after being reincarnated have another 9 lives?
   
4. The straightest distance between two points is a short line.
   
5. If God is all powerful, can He create a box from which he cannot escape?
   
6. A Few Good White Men Can't Jump
   
7. Yeah, I know a softball was actually soft at some point. But I have the bruises to prove it ain't so soft anymore. I propose 'large hard ball' or 'Lardball'.
   
8. Can someone please swat the PETA people upside their heads? All of them?
   
9. If I were a doctor and I had to examine a hockey player from the Czech Republic who had been slammed hard into the boards, would I have checked a checked Czech?
10. When I see blue, I know you see what I'd consider to be brick red. Except you know it as blue too.
    
11. I asked the Magic Eight Ball if it tells the truth. It said 'Outlook Not So Good'.
    
12. If you happen to know the history of the future, can you change it?
    
13. The Guinea pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea. Discuss.