She hissed at her buffoon of a boyfriend, ‘Shut up! Do you want to screw it up?’
‘No,’ he answered tersely, like a scolded little boy.
‘The key’s over there under the awning. It’s too tall for me; go get it.’
He obeyed while she waited silently outside the back door, lest she wake the dog. She wasn’t too concerned about the dog, but it was all about taking one thing at a time.
She heard him fumbling with the keys; it was all she could do to stop from strangling the guy. If she didn’t need him for this task, she’d have let him work his useless shift stocking milk in the local Safeway.
The fumbling ceased, and she saw him start back. She straightened from a crouching position and peered into the window. Everything was neat and tidy as usual. The dog was nowhere to be found. Then she heard to her right a small thud followed by ‘shit!’ and a much louder thud combined with jangling keys. She ducked as if expecting a volley of artillery. And then she really got pissed. Veins started popping from her neck; her face turned sunburn red. She would have pummeled that idiot boyfriend of hers if she hadn’t heard a pitter patter within the house. The clicking was followed by sniffing, a pause, and more sniffing.
The boyfriend lay motionless on the ground, sprawled awkwardly. He knew that if he moved, she’d beat the hell out of him. So, he did nothing, attempting to fake unconsciousness. She noticed his attempt and noted that he really didn’t do anything well.
She heard more clicking, sloshing water, and yet more clicking. Then there was silence. She stood again and peered through the window. The dog was lying at the foot of the stairs.
Her own planning also left a little to be desired for at that moment she realized she wasn’t certain how to handle the dog once they entered. It wasn’t that the Chow mix would become violent, at least not towards her. But she wasn’t certain how to prevent the dog from making enough noise to wake everyone up.
The idiot boyfriend whispered to the darkness, ‘Can I move?’
He heard, ‘Shh! No!’ in reply and remained sprawled.
She considered her options, none of them particularly appealing. The dog, she knew, liked toys more than food, but she couldn’t exactly play with the dog and do what she needed to do. There was always the idiot boyfriend, but she needed him to help. If she somehow got the dog outside and locked her out, the dog would just yap until someone let her back in.
The idea struck. She scratched at the door as she’d imagine an animal might and then peered through the window. It had the effect she desired. The dog stared expectantly at the door but made no sound. A little more scratching and the dog was at the door sniffing again. She had to move quickly.
‘Anything I can do, honey?’ the muffled baritone asked.
The hair stood up on the back of her neck. She considered how bad his timing was. The sniffing ceased suddenly and was replaced by what she thought to be the beginnings of a growl. As quickly and as silently as she could, she opened the screen door and inserted the key into the door. By that time the dog’s muffled growl had become a hushed barking. And it would have become more than hushed had she not turned the knob and thrust her hand in front of the dog’s face. The dog stopped and sniffed. After a tense moment, the dog’s tail began to wag. Success. She grabbed the leash, hooked it to the dog’s collar, and walked the dog to their pickup down the street. The dog jumped into the car and positioned herself behind the steering wheel as if ready for a first driving lesson. She cracked the window and closed the door before moving back to the house.
She found the idiot boyfriend still sprawled on the patio.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked. ‘Get your ass up; we got work to do.’
‘Sorry, I wasn’t sure what was going on.’
‘That much is certain.’ She decided that now was not the time to ridicule him further.
Once inside, she felt, for the first time, a mild sense of guilt for what she planned to do. But the feeling waned as she glanced at the pictures on the antique hutch. The idiot boyfriend stood beside her, obviously clueless as to what he should be doing.
‘Let’s go down to the garage.’
They descended the stairs and made their way to the back of the enormous space. In the southeast corner, she saw a pile of boxes. ‘It had to be in one of them,’ she said to herself. They proceeded to extract tape and tear cardboard until, somewhere in the middle of the pile, she pulled what looked to be a book of CDs. She opened the book and saw the familiar sights of Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio on the fronts of respective baseball cards. She flipped through the book and recognized Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Mickey Mantle, and Yogi Berra. As she came to the back of the book, she saw Barry Bonds, Ozzie Smith, and Mark McGuire, cards she had added to the collection. The nostalgia washed over her; she suddenly felt the utter despair of losing her father who had recently committed suicide in the basement.
‘Found it. Let’s get out of this hell hole.’
‘This hell hole happens to be my home, sis.’
She turned to see her brother bedecked in flannel pajamas. Although surprised, she didn’t allow herself to show it to this bastard.
‘It suits the asshole who lives in it.’
‘What are you doing here at stupid o’clock? It looks like you might be considering theft.’
‘I’m taking back what’s rightfully mine.’
‘Show me that in the will. Oh, right, daddy didn’t consider daddy’s little girl hanging himself.’
‘Fuck you.’
‘Exactly, sis. Look, you’ve got no recourse. The cops are on their way because I believe I heard burglars and because my dog has suddenly gone missing. Not to mention there’s an old dilapidated piece of shit down the street with a dog in it. How are you going to talk your way out of this one? Seems you should escort yourselves out and hope that I don’t come after you to press charges since you’re dumb enough to have your fingerprints on everything from the back door to this box.’
‘You took everything without even asking.’
‘You were in Europe backpacking across some freaking mountain range. I had to take care of everything alone. You deserve nothing. And that’s what you’re gonna get. You still have a chance to leave before the cops arrive.’
‘How the hell did I know he was gonna kill himself? I got back as soon as I could, but I didn’t have the money to pay what they were asking.’
‘You’ve always been irresponsible. And you’ll always be irresponsible. No one can absolve you from your abject poverty and your complete stupidity.’
A knock came at the front door.
‘Why don’t you and your idiot boyfriend make yourselves comfortable down here while I retrieve our guests; this is how it should feel in jail.’ His footsteps faded as he walked up the stairs.
The idiot boyfriend, who had been silent the entire time, suddenly spoke up, ‘I can’t go to jail. I gotta work tomorrow.’
She glared at him. ‘Are you really as retarded as you act? Just shut the hell up.’
A moment later, two cops accompanied her brother down the stairs and into the garage. Officer Sala stood about six foot tall. He had a beer belly and graying hair. His partner, Officer Mandel, was about a head shorter than her partner with darker skin and long black hair.
‘There they are. Take them away,’ the brother ordered.
‘In a moment, son,’ the older man wheezed. ‘We’d like to ask a few questions first, if you don’t mind.’
‘It’s kinda late, officer,’ the brother replied.
‘Well, I just want to make sure everything’s in order. Mandel, can you please talk to the young lady and her friend while I take this young gentleman upstairs and listen to his story?’
The older officer and her brother walked upstairs, much to her brother’s chagrin.
‘Okay, miss, please explain what happened.’ Mandel had no interest in dragging it out.
‘I wanted to retrieve some of my stuff, like these baseball cards,’ she pointed to the binder. ‘You see, my father died and didn’t leave a will, so all this stuff is ours. But my brother won’t let me anywhere near it.’
‘You’ll have to work through the court system, miss. You can’t just break into the house and take things.’
‘I didn’t break in. I used a key. It’s just as much my house as it is his.’
‘Is the house in his name?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t think so, though. My father just died a month or so ago. And this was his house.’
‘Interesting, go on.’
‘Well, that’s really it. I just want some of the stuff, especially these baseball cards.’
The officer picked up the cards and said, ‘Please wait here.’ She proceeded upstairs.
A short time later, the two officers descended the stairs.
‘Miss, we’d like to ask you to stay on the premises this evening, at least to care for your dog.’
‘Huh?’ she replied monosyllabically.
‘We must escort your brother to the station this evening because of his outstanding warrants,’ Mandel answered.
‘Warrants? Plural? For what?’
‘I’m sorry, miss, but we aren’t at liberty to say. In any case, we have verified that this is as much your house as it is his. You can work out the legal logistics after he’s worked out some of his own. In the meantime, I believe there’s a dog in your car that most likely needs to relieve himself. Good night, miss.’
The older officer handed the binder back to her and said, ‘You’ve got some beauts in there.’ With that, the officers walked up the stairs and out of the house.
Meanwhile, she stood with her idiot boyfriend in the garage where her father had died.
And she swore she heard laughing.
1 comment:
This was a very interesting ride.
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