Wednesday, February 4, 2009

3WW: American Sentences (Crumple, Illicit, Nerve)

American Sentences: They are haiku-length poems that Allen Ginsburg suggested be limited to 17 syllables, like haiku in Japanese and like the Heart Sutra in Buddhism. The following two sentences are such American Sentences of 17 syllables.

I decided to try something a bit more challenging in this post. Instead of constructing mutually exclusive American Sentences, I decided to try stringing them together in something resembling a story. I personally thought it interesting to read them separately. Then together. And then even intermixed with one another.

(Updated to read as a paragraph as suggested by Susan's and Tumbleword's comments)

He carefully stole into the bank, illicit idea in tow. Onto the marble counter dropped a crumpled note demanding payment. Ere teller took the missive, said man – his nerve lost – snatched the note and smiled. ‘I hoped you might have four quarters for this dollar – for laundry, of course.’ The teller smiled, handed him two twenty dollar bills, and mouthed thank you. He exited the bank grinning, his plan executed perfectly.

I'd love to hear what you think...

10 comments:

susan said...

I think it's funny. Like the teller's response. Not crazy about the line breaks. They are distracting. Thanks for the read.

Tumblewords: said...

Interesting use of American Sentences. Each good in its own right, a story in the combo. I kind of agree with Susan. It might read easier if they were not separated by paragraph spacing. Maybe an indent for each sentence - to reveal a paragraph. But I'm not an expert. Enjoyed this.

Sepiru Chris said...

I've seen only the paragraph and I suspect I would prefer this way to the unseen way. The component sentences are clever; interesting idea.

Anonymous said...

wow, american sentences seem/look hard on their own.. this was very cool! did it make things easier to have a series of sentences that 'fit' as opposed to one?

anthonynorth said...

Lots of fun in such a short package. Liked them.

Anonymous said...

The sentences work. Thats important!


illicitly intertwined

Sherri B. said...

This must've been very challenging...I'm impressed that you pulled it off and even created a continuous story. Very clever!

Thom Gabrukiewicz said...

I know how challenging an American Sentence can be, so stringing several together, bravo. And it totally works.

Amarettogirl said...

great success in your experiment - the narrative thread read perfectly and remained intriguing - great post!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this is great - it works well as a story, short and to the point, much like the 55 word thingy , but I haven't seen many of them done this well.

I've experimented with this form myself and have a number of AS style composite poems on my blog too.

Very much enjoyed reading this and don't know how I missed it before!
-Andy